This week’s post is by special request and is dedicated to some wonderful friends of ours who are currently living through ‘No’ being their little ones favorite word. I hope it helps!
If you have a little one, chances are you’ve heard the word “no” more times than you ever thought possible. No to food, no to getting dressed, no to putting toys away, no to bedtime, no to absolutely anything you suggest. It can be really frustrating, exhausting, and maddening. But as much as this phase might test your patience, you might be surprised to hear that according to the experts it’s actually a vital step in your child’s development.
Why Do Toddlers Say No So Much?
Around 18 months of age, toddlers begin to realize that they are separate individuals from their parents. This newfound awareness sparks a desire for independence, and saying “no” is one of the first ways they test their ability to exert control over their environment. Think of it as the toddler version of setting boundaries—they’re learning where they end and you begin.
The psychological term for this behavior is toddler refusal, and it’s tied to impulse control. Before the age of three, a toddler’s brain operates primarily on impulse rather than logic. They’re also learning complex social rules and trying to determine how their actions affect the world around them.
How to Survive the “No” Phase
As annoying as it is, you can’t eliminate “no” from your toddler’s vocabulary. But you can work with it to make life a little smoother. Here are some tried-and-true strategies:
1. Offer Choices Instead of Asking Yes/No Questions
Toddlers crave control, so giving them choices lets them feel empowered while still achieving the desired outcome.
- Instead of “Are you ready for your nap?” try “Do you want to nap now or in five minutes?”
- Instead of “Do you want chicken for dinner?” ask “Do you want chicken or pasta?”
Either way, they’re still eating and napping—it’s just framed as their decision.
2. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Even if you can’t give them what they want, validating their feelings can help diffuse a tantrum.
- “I know you don’t want to go to bed, but it’s time now.”
- “I see that you’re upset about putting on your jacket, but it’s cold outside.”
A little empathy goes a long way in making them feel heard.
3. Reframe Your Language
Try to avoid using “no” too much yourself. If a toddler constantly hears the word, they’ll be more likely to repeat it back.
- Instead of “No, don’t touch that!” try “That’s fragile, it can break easily. But you can play with this instead.”
- Instead of “No running!” say “Let’s walk inside and wait until we’re outside to run.”
This approach redirects behavior without creating a power struggle.
4. Use Distraction and Humor
Toddlers have really short attention spans. If they’re fixated on saying no, sometimes you can distract them quite easily.
- “Oh wow, I think your socks are hiding! Let’s find them together.”
- “I bet you can’t hop like a bunny all the way to the car!”
By shifting their focus and attention, you can often bypass the battle entirely.
5. Save “No” for the Big Things
If you use “no” all the time, it starts to lose its impact. Save it for safety-related issues like running into the street or touching something hot. For everything else, try alternatives like “Let’s try this instead” or “That’s not for playing.”
6. Encourage Cooperation Through Involvement
Little ones love to help—so let them! Give them small tasks to make them feel like they’re part of the process.
- “Can you help me pick which pajamas you want to wear?”
- “Let’s be a team and put away the groceries together.”
A toddler who feels involved is often more cooperative.
Remember: This Too Shall Pass
As frustrating as dealing with the “no” phase is, it’s a sign of a healthy, growing toddler. They are learning autonomy, practicing decision-making, and asserting themselves—all skills they’ll need as they grow into confident adults.
So next time your toddler digs their heels in with a resounding “NO!” take a deep breath and repeat this mantra: “My toddler will be a wonderfully strong adult”—and try one of these strategies to work through it together.
Before you know it, you’ll be onto the next fun or frustrating phase and this one will become a distant memory.
